Bray Wandering in a Most Peculiar Fashion

“Football is a funny old game” went the old refrain.  Never has it been more true than on a day when the idea of paying €180 million for an 18 year old was pushed to the sideline by none other than Bray Wanderers.

Things started out great for the club this season.  They still lie fifth in the SSE Airtricity Premier Division despite losing their last three games and plunging into a financial crisis that saw the entire team place itself on the transfer market.

Today though news emerged in a statement from the club that they were once more financially secure.

That’s the good news but that would not have gone around the world as news.  Oh no, the statement didn’t end there.

There is little point in trying to paraphrase or even pretend to understand what followed in the statement from Chairman Gerry Mulvey.  So instead we will reproduce it in full and leave its meaning to philosophers like Eric Cantona.

*All spelling, grammar and logical shortcomings in this text are purely the work of the original writers of the statement

Bray Wanderers FC can now officially confirm the club is financially stable for the foreseeable future and have a vision for the future unrivaled by any other Football Club in Ireland.

Wicklow County has unfortunately now attained the accolade of being the North Korea of Ireland for business.

But like all suppressed people, they eventually revolt, a revolution of Football is going to start and Bray Wanderers will be the leaders not just for Wicklow but for Ireland in this revolt.

Ireland produced great world beating players, from Roy Keane, John Giles, Liam Brady, Robbie Keane to Ray Houghton and many many more.

The problem and question is why cannot Ireland produce such great talent anymore.

We at Bray Wanderers are going to answer the questions and solve this problem.

We are going to give Wicklow and Ireland something to be proud of where there will be an academy to rival the best in the world. Our vision and ,rest assured ,we will execute the delivery of our vision is a world class football academy to rival the best in the world.

To achieve this, yes, we are going to and are in preliminary negotiations to buy a new Ground, and will be seeking from Wicklow County Council the rezoning of the land in The Carlisle grounds with the development proceeds used to fund the construction of what will be the best Academy and sporting Grounds in the country.

To keep the club on a sound financial Footing and independently fund this academy and club forevermore, we do have a plan on how to do that.

This will be at no cost to the Exchequer or County Council. But when you operate in North Korea, these options are difficult to achieve, but we will achieve it.

Eventually when we have succeeded in our vision creating the best centre of Excellence in Ireland, based on Academies such as Barcelona Manchester United and other in that caliber, creating the best production line of players in Ireland, we will hand the facility and sustainable business over to a trust who will protect the club and the development of Football in Wicklow & Ireland long after our collective lifetimes.

There will be may naysayers to this and to them, we say,

Ideally we’d bring in Conor McGregor for a quote but our response is,

“One great enemy we must all endeavor to fear not conquering is fear. Fear can cripple purpose and purposeful life. Fear asks question we must fear. Fear makes vision a nightmare. One must always cross the barrier of fear to get to the great city of true purposefulness. A great number of us who are unable to live to accomplish the true reason for our existence on earth are unable to cross the barrier of fear in the first place.”

Those afraid and living Fear, rest assured fear has no place in Bray Wanderers.

Gerry Mulvey


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